As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
