Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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