I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize