areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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