if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
