I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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