omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just found a bag of teeth...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The feeling are messing with the penis
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
