He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
