so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
