He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
