dude i'm inner monologue high
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
