My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My breasts were aching with rage.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
