I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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