What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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