"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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