last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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