We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
