I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
