You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
