I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
