it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
