When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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