K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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