so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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