yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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