4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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