he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
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