Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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