just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
