Jerry, you need to find god
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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