we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
