my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
