naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
