why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
