VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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