dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Randomize
