remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
