Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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