She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
