He uses pillows to masturbate.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
