Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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