it wasn't lemon gatorade
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
