It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
