you traded sex for a burrito?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
