I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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