I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
