i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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