If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
How external is "for external use only"?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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