He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
there's paper in my vomit.
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there was a trapeze. enough said
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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