with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize