I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
