he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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