heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
