I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
