what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
