So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it's like iHOP with fire
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
