we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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