I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
