If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize