Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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