After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
