piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Randomize
