I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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