I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
