If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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