I just made out with a guy for $7.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She needs sedatives and a leash
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
