i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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