I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
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I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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