Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
