I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
