I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We are all done wearing pants today
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