i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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