i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
