If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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