conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
