are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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